I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
