Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
