i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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