i will never coherently bang her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
