Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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