considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
