Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
