They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I want a musical about memes.
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