My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
