So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
