I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
