My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
