capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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