I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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