She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who died my cat blue again?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
