Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
