Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
