Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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