You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
