how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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