He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
