He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
