you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
