i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
