Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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