No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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