idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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