Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
