No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
