just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
