Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
