I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
