you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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