Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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