when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
