"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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