Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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