I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
