porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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