The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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