he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
