Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
