I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
