Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
