haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my shit smells like andre
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
