Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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