I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
try to milk me bitch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
