Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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