I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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