So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
