he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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