I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
