i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
