She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
