he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
