It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
