I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
