There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
