eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
