I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
