OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
