Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
