ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
