wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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