I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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